dreams

Drinking cereal while morning blogging.
When I woke up this morning to the blinding light(forgot to draw the curtains, again) I realized something about my dreams. The distinction between 'it' and reality wasn't so brutally obvious. It used to be more or less the same blood, the same scent, a smooth boat riding to the other shore. Even when I dreamt of the exaggeratingly impossible over abundance of food in our kitchen, or how the chef called to me 'You can have all of the chocolate puff', or even flying a mini plane without wings, they are all comfortalbe extentions of a day. Because they're DIFFERENT!
What do I dream now? Secret desires exposed to such totallity I induged in them regardless of the last grain of moral value or self awareness. Anxiety, Jealousy, what a swamp I paddle through. And the mere passing of tiny objects loomed into haunting significance. Objects I thought I've obstinately chosen to ignore. A stale smelling dress when I opened the drawer. 'It's still pretty'. Then that is to it. A monosyllabic conversation filled with 'Hmms' 'Yeah.' Everyone was wearing that dress. And the person spoke too much. My neurons are firing in the opposite direction...
And ironically the stabbing pain coz it's ME, it's too SIMILAR. If it were anywhere near the tale of thousand nights, I'd comfortably slip into another day without questioning or the need to answer.
Soical restraints broken loose. The sludge stirred and filled the tank. The freedom a dream holds together with the naked truth.
And when I wake up, life feels surreal.

mute

I wanna stay home just a bit longer. So dad can we come back a little bit later? That's 1 month difference. I'm not sure when i'll be home next time. But seeing you so happily engrossed in planning of the trip, I tell myself it's not a considerate thing to even mention the topic. Mum will be sad. I feel upset too. What are you thinking? I never quite know. Just don't make it a business trip please. Or else I'll be truly upset. For now, I assume this's the right choice. I'll just have to act more mature.

chain music

Check out this site:
http://www.sitesakamoto.com/chainmusic/

It's 26:43 min long. You need quicktime.

It's above all CURIOUS(still listening). I'm doing a live commentary. I'm not sure how they did it, why there're so many composers invovled. Right now i'm into second verse, the first verse cleanly cut with a door-banging sound. And closely follows is this chanting 'we're going around the world' set against electrical signals. The first verse is filled with bird hummings, echoes, temple bells. I feel as if being transported back to a quiet monastry, yet not one on earth, somewhere floating in space, walking, stopping, musing, looking back and losing it. I wonder if you can call it surrealistic + minimalistic + futuristic music genre.

Right now into 9:33 - end of 2nd verse, interspersed with windy noise, sounds like someone breathing too loudly into microphones.

3rd verse - new age, gentle female voice, spiced up with sounds of raindrops, simple guitar chords, random piano keys, ohhhh, and a COUGH!!! now a 'Hmm'.

Let me say this straight, I'm sure this bunch of composers involved in this 'project' are having great fun doing it. They feel like spoiling the peace with a cough, a 'hmm', or noisy radio buzz and what not, and I can practically picture them laughing about it in the studio as a concoction of sounds and effects are mingled together to give this super beyond age hybrid. It's cool no doubt. Same way as a bunch of itchy fingered writers gather together for tea and casually speak about the lives of those imaginary faces. A says Tom should cry. B says Tom should laugh after he's done with crying. C says he then should cry again. This sweet lunacy.

15:35 4th verse - a collection of impossible sounds. followed by wailing violin. Repeated chords, 10 times over, with acceleration. Reminds me of a philip glass piece jady sent me. In the background, what sounds like a purring engine and more cacophanous string chords suddenly give way to silence. Reprise. Now a crippled melody. Strings puckled. (Oh i sooo love puckling sounds). Now where is it leading? Am I walking in the temple again?

Whispers of electrical signals. Thousands of firing neurons. Rap tempo. A string of minor keys, mixed with more household sounds. The buzz is getting louder.

I wonder how they're going to end it. One minute on counting.

It's quiet. Despite the noises that tickle a thousand secret senses.

And so it goes back to where it started. And disappeared.

Surreal. (techno)


Well, I was just googling 'ryuichi sakamoto' and bumped into this link on his official website. Wow this's such a cool site. Now i know why the name 'chain music'. It's indeed a music marathon. With new contributions updated periodically. Here's the biography of the amazing composer http://www.sitesakamoto.com/data/biography.html I'm only familiar with his work in 'The Last Emperor', 'The Railroad Man' and 'Merry X'mas Mr. Lawrence'.

And here's the sony classic page http://www.ryuichi-sakamoto.com/
There're some short music clips playing as you enter the main page.

yeah titles back!!

HAHA thanx for the magical codes jady! Finally fixed my blog titles.
Traumatizing~~~
1. biochemistry test [I have an incurable phobia for this particular subject]
2. run out of meals
3. guizi's going back early! (yes, this adds to the trauma)
4. what else... the rest isn't a big deal i guess...

So,no. 1 is short-term but most deadly.
2 is gonna last through summer. I'll have to control my budget.
effect(s) of no. 3 -> unpredictable but also short term

short term...
short ter...
short te...
short t...
short...
shor...
sho...
sh...
s...
...
..
.


-_-

Schmah!!! (double dots on 'a')
I have to let it out coz it's bad for my liver/spleen/heart/brain/stomach...

And about Freudian's theory of 'Oedipus Complex' -> the sexual desire for one's mother and jealousy for one's father, which occurs around the age of 5? for a young boy , is just sooooooo male phallic worshipping fetism.

Me: 'Is it true?? Sounds like B***S'
Guizi: 'They say mum is a young boy's first love'
Me: 'I wonder... what if their mum is uglier than a chimp...'
Guizi: 'We can ask the guys.'
Me & Guizi: 'As if they'd admit...'

So much for the Oedipus complex, most people will probably be sickened by such ideas. This sudden whim of curiosity spurts out after I finished reading the storyline for modoru motoni's 'shiiki gakuri rika' (rika the breeder). Never before read such a twisted storyline.

I'd better sleep

love

now I lost the last trace of interest, to write...
How strange (and tragic) that my thoughts died as this page popped up. It'll be so much easier to 'be in a middle of a conversation', or pretend to be. How cozy to start off nowhere, laugh when all others are silent, wear red at a funeral, or hitchhack a falling star (crash together won't they), and above all still be acceptable now you're an embodiment of all the world's utter trash n dirt totalled up and amplified thousand times over.

and to write such nonsense makes me laugh.

and where am i...

I don't like instant noodles. I need vegetables. & fruits. Not banana or overipe apples. I had earphones on , but music off. Simply too lazy to take them off. Or the strange idea I need this initiation/transtion stage to drift from one silence to another silence, like fragile fetus just dies outside the maternal sea.

A person speaks, with rhythms, well kept. nouns, pronouns, verbs, another object. A person's heart beats, out of rhythms, beyond him. lub lub dub dub dub. The cacophony, the broken harmony goes on like a sure thing. How the surface betrays the beneath, or the other way. Smiles, signs, gestures, a few skipped heartbeats, a few strained sinews, a couple of wrenching nerves. One dies. One lives. It lives once. It dies many times.

- random thoughts after reading a messed up story with too much angst and the suckiest storyline

grace

why should/must i enter a title when there's no fixed topic...
much like microsoft word when u press Ctrl+Save, it'll automatically pick the first few letters as default title. This blog won't do this for me. so i half heartedly typed 'grace', (dun be offended gang gang). that's the song i'm listening to now, by secret garden, from their album 'earthsongs'.

and i realized i made a mistake yesterday. 'Sumiregusa' isn't an album after all! It's just enya's new single. I realized it when i listend to the so-called album(kugoo has so many junks...) and picked up a familiar tune from a random new age cd i bought. What a crappy assortment. No wonder the 'style' sounds so different.

listening to 'tell me what the rain knows' by sakamoto maaya. It's displayed in chinese and my japanese-speaking turkey neighbour after seeing it on msn , pointed out to me the singer used to sing in horrible english. I had a most peculiar feeling, since last night to be exact. While i was browsing the net last night and bumped into a heated forum on the current anti-Jap atmosphere back home. So i forced myself to sit still and dutifully finished reading the articles and the grotesque war photos taken during the rape of Nanjing. I shouldn't be so taken aback since I already leafed through the book before, the same gruelling photos inserted in between the heavy pages. However reading it again is a trauma and I felt sick and uneasy. It's really not about apologies, what does an apology do. or should we wage a new war, eye for an eye, blood for blood. yet what does a war do? Am I escaping responsibility by finding all these old excuses. But what's the point of raging against a new generation. Blatant hatred for denial is fine. For manipulated ignorance, instilled false nationalism? Now they're making the new generation equal bastards. This's such a dead end.

'ahhhh, i'm gonna flunk my organic chem test!'
'calm down calm down. I'm a genius' (still her talking)

'Einstein says genius is 1% plus 99%' - me

'...'
'then i'm a 1% genius.'

going for dinner

final fantasy

Here're the leading males in final fantasy, quick vote, which one's ur fav?



The above twos are from 'FF7 - Advent Children'









I'll vote for 1st or 3rd.

our profs

sighs my 2nd year's ending.
dunno why i'm doing this, 'filing' our profs
well, just for biochem profs (we have 4 profs for this full year course)
They're truly wonderful.

Prof. Rini


Prof. Moran


Prof. Baker
hahahahaha, his photo's 1000x funnier than my EZ-link or T-card photo.


Prof. Pulleybank
err... althou he bears, or rather his beard bears some resemblance to you-know-who

oh and two very intelligent high-achieving young profs.

Prof. Scholes (our physical chem prof)
One of the young talents in photonics.


Prof. David Guttman (genetics prof)
He did a rather important research paper on the possible evolutionary line of SARS virus.

ghibli new project

Just had anthro test today, on linguistics & cultural anthropology. AWWWWW, tired tired. have to replenish.
Our linguistic anthro prof has this 'idiosyncracy' of setting up rediculously nonsensical MCQ options so the only correct option stands out a bit too obviously. Last night was looking at a past year question which asked 'which of the metaphor is not used in english language. ' Metaphorical language as what it says, is a system of metaphors that take one thing for another. For example, when we say 'we're running out of TIME' or simply 'TIME is money', we're treating 'time' as a commodity, a solid product capable of being traded. This is what it means by metaphorical language.
So one of the options reads 'You argument does not hold water. I've punched a hole in the argument.' I was really amused at the options Prof Ivan Kalmar came up with. Despite how they make us laugh BEFORE a test, it's a different thing AFTER the test. Me and guizi start to call them Ivan Fox and Joshua Fox coz they give us nasty questions.

some update on the next Ghibli project which's already into schedule. Screenplay adapted from a chinese author who wrote a children's literature book called 'wo diu shi le wo de xiao nan hai' - I lost my little boy. As mentioned in the two articles
SINA article
news from Nausicca
the book is the best seller in china ???? It's written in what they call 'children's lauguages', those 'yi yi ya ya'. Again studio ghibli or miyazaki-san is going for the 'essence of purity' in a child's heart and the various adventures in which magic, witchcraft, love, warmth are inevitably integrated. Scheduled for release in 2006. It's defintely going to be shown back home this time around. Well, it's good to have something to look forward to. And miyazaki-san sure has lots of energy for someone his age. Just don't make it a flop as bad as howl's moving castle.

ohayou

I didnt even ask for it, yet morning comes
I open my window and take a deep breath
I remember you, looking mad, and I smile
The day after we fight, you always leave your answering machine on
when we laugh, when we have senseless talks
things that are useless in everyday lifestyles,
words that come up without thought,
The moment when we realize is what's important
I say "Good morning" to you, and leave you a mesage
My day starts, I gotta go
I love hearing your voice on the phone as if nothing happened

- from 'ohayou', song by keno [from hunter x hunter]

very happy song

small measure of happiness

small measure of happiness

Sometimes thoughts spin in my head and I rocked back n forth hesitating whether i should entangle the mess, pull everything out by blogging it or just let it spin n sendiment n thus be forgotten. It doesn't matter really. The mood catches up so i'm writing it.

I was thinking 'happiness is so small', or so is 'love'. Remember the quote from the English Patient, 'love is so small you can pull it through the eye of a needle'. I've always wondered what it means. Love is small, but not weak. It's sensual, subtle, comes n slips as it will.

In front of me the poster reads 'remember this... that very little is needed to make a happy life.' , by a company called 'small package.' A pinky cheeked baby sticks out his tongue to catch small flakes. Awww, so chubby and lovable. Reminds me of a special Jap food called 'mochi', essentially made of sticky soft flour and shaped like a button (a fuller button... sighs my description sucks). Jady likes the name 'small package', i remember her saying 'the company doesn't intend to make it big'. Gang once tried to catch snow flakes with her tongue too. and we were saying how the snowflakes seemed to loom out of nowhere if u looked up at the grey sky.

Hmm I'm using that 'lavender flavoured' body wash, first recommended by E.T. sama. I was frankly surprised that I could find it in Toronto coz I thougth it was product of Malaysia. Well... haha. The super fragrance sometimes haunts people. Jady wrote in my autograph ' everytime i step out of the bathroom the room's instantly filled up with that lavendar smell. and then she'd ketou to my flowery skirt (the one i wore as pajamas)' It was kinda hilarious, as if i'm a queen to be worshipped, only the real queesn bathed themselves in real flower-petal baths. And strangely the too familiar fragrance reminds me sharply of summer, although spring has hardly befriended this all too moody downtown city. It's as if something witched that keeps me hypnotized. Or symbols that pull you back to a memory, to some seasons, some colours, or the refreshing midnight air. 'You spilled half the perfume on the carpet and it forever smelled of peppermint.' Hua lu shui, straw mats, ice-cream, crickets.

Or a friend close to your heart but who's been horribly busy still replies your mail regardless. Even if they don't have the time at hand to fully appreciate the things you wanna share with them. Nonetheless they'd soothe you by saying 'This sure sounds great. I'll definitely look at it after the mess is over.' It's not mere rapport speech out of friendliness n courtesy. You know better they do care. Even seeminly meaningless words could make a day. 'So many meaningless nothings are better than that something'. In the end you might laugh it off and say 'it's just my wishful thinking', but you WERE happy.

And so i imagined a small cube of sugar, just a tiny crystal probably, melting its way into a refrigerated jar of lemonade, slowly, all around it, sweetens. Happiness really is so small.

champlooooo

Some days some nights,
some bleed some die,
in the name of the samurai

haha, opening song 'battlecry'
from Animelyrics

sharp like an edge of a samurai sword
the mental blade cut through flesh and bone
though my mind's at peace, the world out of order
missing the inner heat, life gets colder
oh yes, I have to find my path
no less, walk on earth, water, and fire
the elements compose a magnum opus
my modus is operandi is amalgam
steel packed tight in microchip
on my arm a sign of all-pro
the ultimate reward is honor, not awards
at odds with the times in wars with no lords

a freelancer,
a battle cry of a hawk make a dove fly and a tear dry
wonder why a lone wolf don't run with a klan
only trust your instincts and be one with the plan

some days, some nights
some live, some die
in the way of the samurai
some fight, some bleed
sun up to sun down
the sons of a battlecry

some days, some nights
some live, some die
in the way of the samurai
some fight, some bleed
sun up to sun down
the sons of a battlecry

look, just the air around him
an aura surrounding the heir apparent
he might be a peasant but shine like grand royalty
he to the people and land, loyalty
we witness above all to hear this,
sea sickness in the ocean of wickedness
set sail to the sun set no second guessing

far east style with the spirit of wild west
the "quote-unquote" code stands the test of
time for the chosen ones to find the best of
noble minds that ever graced the face of
a hemisphere with no fear, fly over

the blue yonder where
the sky meets the sea
and eye meets no eye
and boy meets world
and became a man to serve the world
to save the day, the night, and the girl too

A funky rap, very cool lyrics agree?