twenty something

Twenty something
Jamie Cullum



After years of expensive education,
a car full of books and anticipation,
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year,finding myself or start a career.
I could work for the poor though I'm hungry for fame
we all seem so different but we're just the same.
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat,
aren't things more easy with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers?Who do you trust?
I can't even separate love from lust.
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans,
working nine to five answering phones.
Don't make me live for my friday nights,
drinking eight pints and getting in fights.
I don't want to get up,
just let me lie in,leave me alone,
I'm a twenty something.

Maybe I'll just fall in love
that could solve it all,
philosophers say that that's enough,
there surely must be more.
OooohLove ain't the answer nor is work,
the truth alludes me so much it hurts.
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key,
I'm a twenty something and I'll keep being me.

Been listening to Jamie Cullum these days. Although didn't like his voice at start, getting used to it now. Lazy half retard jazzy blue, but isn't it cute.

sunday blues

haven't written for some time.

HI HELLO! owe u guys an explanation on that reason/passion quiz.
well, dun hit me is all I want to say to make sure of my own safety.
The perfect result a linguist would expect would be roughly the same categorization from the majority. Like most would agree 'women' belong to 'passion'.
And 'creation', what they expect, should belong to 'reason'. but surprisingly lots of people dump it under 'passion'. i did too and i dunno why exactly.
that's it. boring isn't it.

Flu bug flying around. I'm afraid i might be the unlucky stray target it hits upon. Feeling light headed, weak limbed and a split headache every ten minutes or so. I hate getting sick, not in winter!

It's a fine day. THat tempts you to write 'one fine day' as the starting line in your journal entry. I used to detest sunshine. I don't understand myself back then. Jade says i'm a vampire. The curtain at her window was often neatly wound into a huge knot and kept back behind the iron bars while mine was tightly drawn to block out all light. And so i happily enjoyed the darkness which i equated with a peace of my own mind.
And now i long for sunlight. One a day like this, like today, you can watch the sky changing colours from the window seat. Strange city it is. no pedestrian, no dog barks, few cars, sparse buildings, no high rising skyscrapers, and Ontario lake sparkling in the distance like a silver belt. IT looks magical at sunset. Golden clouds sinking into the horizon as if the sky descends into the pure lake just to take a bath. and that smoke that tirelessly drifts out of the chimney and disappears into the huge landscape, against the five o'clock brilliance. watching its last dance of life brings a mesmerizing illusion that travels back in time. it made me think of the steam age, wonk wonk how the first steam train glided out of the railway, mushrooms of clouds shooting into the new era old eyes never imagined before. Civilization.
It's waning. That warm wisp of cloud that comes too close to the setting sun. It's getting drunk. So it goes down, goes out, bows a graceful bow n gives stage to the night.

Here's a story.
Two people live under the safe roof. Their room is waterfront. Every day after a meal, they'd stand in front of the windows and marvel at the lake. A sleeping beauty at dawn, 10 year old boy in the afternoon, silent lover at night.
'let's go to the lake some day'
'yeah we will.'
'it's beautiful'
and so everyday after a meal, they'd stand in front of the window staring out at the mystic blue.
'let's go to the lake some day'
'yeah we will.'
'it's beautiful'

and so today they stood in front of the window. one fine day .
'let's go to the lake some day'
'yes we will'

is there an end to the story,
maybe

love poem

a poem that was

written when i ran out time
&
in good-hearted nature of pre- celebrating st. valentine

Crow & Sky

you,
the lonely birdless sky
and me,
an ugly crow I choose to be after I die
bearing no shame
fearing no height

'Promise, don't cry'
for the black smudge that burns your sky

'Darling, oh my'
the first rain after my heart's long dry
drenched your wings
and turned you a dove
an innocent white

last year's valentine poem-

Love notes at cafe door

i only remember you as a boy
Years gone and your face is a void
hear that distant bell?
makes me paranoid

I'm looking but not seeing
Which one is your voice?
I keep guessing,

My face that of a worried child,
Thoughts tumbling wild,
And then a hi and a hug,
You catch them with a smile.

and i think last year's sucks.
this year's also a bit sorry looking, but believe it's much better than last.

anthro class

anthro mini online lec. c'td [ regurgitation of today's learning]

agenda:
language syntax
characteristics of language [ word elments, affix, gender, no. agreement, subject/object etc.]
language n thought [ Benjamin Lee Whorf]
charactization in language

Introducing Benjamin Lee Whorf, who introduced the Whorf Hypothesis - that language influences/determines thought
The focus of Benjamin's study was Hopi Language, in which there is no past/present/future tense, only complelted/uncompleted. And he theorized that their language influenced their world view. That they don't see the world as linear, but cyclic, some manifestation in Hopi mythology. However, the assumption this hypothesis was based upon - that language n thought are two SEPARATE things is flawed. [ and in face whether it's a HYPOTHESIS in the first place is yet to be argued, some think not coz there're no citations n somehow unscientific]

Have you ever tried to think without language? Honestly speaking, i think it's difficult for me. Even when i thought there was no word, just images flashing past at the back of my mind, the truth was not quite as what i remembered it to be. That language does influence thought. Does thought influence language? and How do you define thought? Note that thought is different from 'perception'. Which comes first, chicken or egg?

On Benjamin Lee Whorf
Whorf

and Chomsky's rebuttal on Whorf hypothesis
Excerpts

Dear readers!
INTUITIVELY, put down the below listed words into either 'reason' or 'passion' category, do it on impulse. Don't overwork your brain.
earth
heaven
man
mountain
woman
desert
car
apple
creation
completion

and check back one week later for analysis.

before genetics class

half an hour away from genetics class and i thought better this amount of time wasn't good for reading either, a bit restless.

attended biochm help session this morning, wasn't much 'help' to me coz i haven't read the notes yet although i understood what Prof. Moran was explaining. He said the kinds of formats of tests shouldn't be the determining factors of how you should study. like u study one way for MCQs, another for essay. that we should not study for the sake of being evaluated. I agree with that. I used to detest the idea of 'study for exams' as if exam is everything, but i still can't deny the final exam marks count quite a huge percentage. well, each to his own. but he made a good point. You won't believe how many muggers there're in our programme. They scribble on the notes thru n thru, for that short one hour lecture while i don't have much to write most of the time. Some are very enthusiastic though and they ask smart questions.

and i came to realize the more we know abt science, the less innocent n romantic everything seems to be.

Topic of the day... the smell of ocean waves
the memory that sails along the far east wind
carelessly caresses your face
and the reciding tides that lure us into troubled water
wraps us in a gentle embrace
and you say...


'the smell of ocean,
is an indication,
that something decays...
that ocean breeze smell,
is actually polyfattyacids
oxidized away...'

and look at that cutie crab
poor thing, dying on a pebble
take note it's also contributing to the smell
that waxy thing on its shiny back...

......

days n days in waterloo

unwinding the tape 3 rounds back to last december snow
in waterloo
we were helping our dear host shoveling snow obviously, a bit too excited to see such heavy snow in years!
shoveling is a backbreaking job. and we froze ourselves to death[nobody warned us!]. the snow was KNEE DEEP.
la la la



me caught in the middle of action
i should not deny how technically wrong my posture was
that's why my shoveling never got anywhere...

charlize theron 2005 golden globe

Charlize Theron - 2005 golden globe
the black haird mystery lady

she didn't win the golden globe this year, but who cares, will get it next year!

namie

Namie Amuro[an1 shi4 nai4 mei3 hui4] when she was still a young girl



She doesn't look jap at all, that 1/4 greek blood.

hey!

hey everyone!!
quick vote,
which display pic is better

butterfly leaves with candle in the foreground which's now on testing
or
the original one with lots of flowers n figurines
or
last night's [if u happen to notice the change] - goddess with coloured doves

i have to go back to revise biochem. and lots of stuff to do!! coz i wasted my weekend gosh...

fun experience, hi japanese friends!!

Hey!! i can't believe it!!
I returned to check that ridiculour english post i dropped in a japanese garnet crow forum. guess what!!! 7 replies!! I'm overwhelmed by their warm responses. even though there's language barrier and all. guess the love for the music group speaks everywhere.
and thankfully the master of the forum translated my funny english entry into comprehensible japanese.

Me:
iloveGC ..2005/01/1511:24 No.5548
Hi everyone! This's such a wonderful website!Sorry I don't know Japanese(Nihon). but I LOVE GARNET CROW!! There is also a chinese GARNET CROW bbs, www.gcfans.com/bbs . If anyone knows a little bit of English, would you be kind enough to help me translate some of the japanese articles about GC into English? I just want to promote the group and want to let more friends know about GARNET CROW - ichiban des! aligato!!


Re:Hi everyone! This is a VERY NICE website! [a translation of my gibberish english entry by this nice person called Raigi]
blah blah

Re:Hi everyone! This is a VERY NICE website!

Raigi（Master_of_GarnetCrow/201） ..2005/01/15 12:07 No.5553
How do you do. My name is called Raigi! GARNET CROW is the band of two women and two men. The single CD of 17 sheets and the album CD of four sheets were released until now



Re:Hi everyone! This is a VERY NICE website!

Charisma（Charisma/88） ..2005/01/15 12:28 No.5556
Hi iloveGC! My name is senritsu.I'm sorry. I don't know English. But,I'm glad to know what you love GC.
What songs do you like?I like [Sky -new arranged track-],[wasurezaki],and [in little time].

Do you understand words(lyrics)written by AZUKI nana?

[c'td with a japanese entry on AZUKI nana, and introducing a website. at the end added something that looks suspiciuosly like 'dunno if my japanese is comprehensible. can someone help me translate? (laffs)]

Re:Hi everyone! This is a VERY NICE website!

Raigi?（Master_of_GarnetCrow/218） ..2005/01/15 12:51 No.5558
Hello *. In Japan, is it ..site..
China of a lot of wonderful GARNETCROW??
Terrible * seeing

[i think he/she's trying to say, 'r there many gc fans out there in china? and oh, my translations are horrible.]

Re:Hi everyone! This is a VERY NICE website!

Saori（/151） ..2005/01/15 ,13:42 No.5563

Hello! I'm Saori.I can speak English. But jast a little...and not well.Do you understanding words to Nana in Japanese?If you can't it, I know good site.It is Nana's lyrics translation from Japanese into English!!I watch GC fan site in Chinese once in a while.I want to write my words in BBS, but I am not comfortable with English and Chinese.Let's keep in with you and me!!I think I want to go to your site.Sorry,I am poor in English..Please try to forgive me. Now, I went to your site.You know "GC Soundscope" aren't you?"Good site" is "GC Soundscope".I'm glad to note it!!

Re:Hi everyone! This is a VERY NICE website!

Seraphim（Charisma/91） ..2005/01/15 14:48 No.5574

I am seraphim.Nice to meet you,iloveGC.How did you know GC. Does Japanese musican is popular in Chaina? I like GC song,flying,in little time,picture of world etc..What song do you like?I am sorry that I can not use English


and so i replied[after looking for common jap phrases on internet], painstakingly came up with this entry [i'm sure they'll laugh their heads off coz i did the same when i was reading THEIR replies]
arigato everyone!
Sorry! Nihono zenzen wakarimasen. (laffs）
(hope you can understand my romaji)

arigato, Raigi, Saori(your english is good!), seraphim!
watashiwa yingyue desu.
[my name is yingyue]
Hajimemashite. Doozo yoroshiku!
to Raigi [ are there manyGC fans in China?]
Hai! many GARNET CROW FANS in china!! we all love garnet crow very very much!

Hi! Charisma
What songs do you like?
[i'm waiting 4 you]: i like Sky~new, picture of world, xi yue ye
[Crystallize]: kimi to u hikari (the light that is you), waiting for the same tomorrow with today's you[my blog won't display jap/chinese, so i did a disgusting direct translation here, i'm sooo sorry garnet crow...]
[Sparkle]: Yume mita ato de(after awaking from a dream), Last Love Song
[1st Soundscope]: Natsu no Maboroshi(summer illusion),I keep running till i reach ur house, flying

-Natsu no maboroshi is my FAVOURITE!

Do you understand words(lyrics)written by AZUKI nana?
a little bit,
-like the mid-day moon, always there although you can't see it (one of the famous lines)
AZUKI nana is a v. good poet! AZUKI's lyrics make GARNET CROW very special
Yuri-ppe's voice is unique n magnetic!

i knew GC because of Mentantei conan
(Mysterious Eyes & Natsu no maboroshi) I love Yuri's voice, very special!

ps.[ i need to learn japanese] (laffs)

but, there're really LOTS OF FANS out there who're supporting GARNET CROW. i'm glad.
gunbade ne!

pps. GOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!, howl's moving castle progressed from 68% to 90% already!!!! How long have i been stuck in from of my laptop???!

blog updates

whew, added bg music to blog, now playing 'platform', a track from shunji iwai's movie 'picnic' not bad not bad. and so did jady!! hey hey common blogger syndrome. today's genetics lec is a BORE, coz it's about RECOMBINATION. our prof's prof told him a good way to stop pple coming to seminars, you simply have to put the word 'recombination' in the seminar title, everyone will say 'urghh' n turn 180 degrees. now i believe it.

crazy things i did in the past few days
1. i downloaded BT because i soooooooo desperately want to watch Howl's moving castle.
can u believe it???! 30,000 plus pple downloading it, and mine got stuck at 68.8%, now it's moving. it only starts moving at two specific hours. 12am~10am[high peak performance], and a meagre kilobyte move in the afternoon. Roommate's never failed to remind me 'is the castle moving?' at every hour, like a faithful but nonetheless frustrating alarm clock. 'no, not moving, rusted' is usu my answer before 12am.

2. which's a crazier extension to point 1 just stated above.
i chatted on BT coz i sooooooooo desperately want to watch Howl's moving castle.
[do pple ever chat on BT???!]
Click on 'howl's moving castle' -> check users online -> identify lucky seeds with 100% completion status -> pick their name, type in 'hi' in chatbox, enter! ->
......
sorry to say nobody ever replied me. oh one of them actually replied, after a 2h lag, and the reply goes 'hi?' but it was another 12h lag after i saw the reply...
and i successfully scared off 3 chatters

3. i posted in an ALL JAPANESE garnet crow forum.
'hi everybody(mina)! I don't know Japanese.(Nihon) but I LOVE GARNET CROW!! if any one of u know a little bit of Eng, help me out.... blah blah blah
i'm just trying to grab someone to translate jap txt for me since they have all the garnet crow resources at their doorstep.

.......

i'll write an review on Howl's moving castle after i watch it.
i should lower my expection to abysmal.
so that satisfaction will soar.
and so will my respect for miyazaki continue...

today's anthro class

cultural n linguistics anthropology - my top anticipated lecture continued into a further state of complexity. a summary of key points not yet fully digested today

1. three signs of language: arbitrary, iconic and indexcial
2. on communication & conversation
3. syntagmatic vs. paradigmatic

elaborations on some of the interesting concepts.
arbitrary
no close relation whatsoever, association by the signification of language. like the word 'book', you're taught to accept that book=stacks of written papper compiled n bundled together. that's arbitrary.
an example of arbitrary symbol would be, say the traffic light. red=stop, green=go. Who says so? it's cultural. you learnt it. and that green n red symbol is in itself ARBITRARY coz it has no connection with traffic rules in its own right.

iconic
shows you the exact object, what it is. the shape, the look. a direct image. for example, a photo of George W. Bush, or Charlize Theron.

indexical
do NOT resemble the objects they infer but its shape will give u a direct IDEA
eg. most company logos. for example, a red rounded 'TICK' that = NIKE , or a skeleton head on a bottle that = POISON!! that sort of thing

These terms can get tricky though if u argue about the contexts. For example, the photo of George W. Bush taken as he is, is undoubtedly ICONIC. but judging from the shitty situation he's in, i guess u can argue his photo is also INDEXICAL. = shitty U.S. government, stupidity all sorts of things. and similarly, photo of osama bin laden can give u the idea of 'terrorism', 'Islam' etc.

communication & conversation
a term called 'back channel', refers to 'uhuh, mhmm, yeah, okay', common phrases we use in conversations to indicate that the speaker MAY carry on with his speech, but is NOT a confirmative message that the conversation won't be disrupted due to lack of interest or attention.

in animal kingdom, teeth baring is common. they have canines obviously, we don't. and probably rows of serrated knife like cutters if u poke ur head into a crocodile's mouth. so teeth-baring is a highly effective signal that says 'shut up/stop/freeze!'. imagine your listener flashes his teeth in the middle of a conversation, you'll stop dead whatever you're speaking obviously. but then you'll start thinking 'what the heck's wrong with him?'

report speech vs. rapport speech
report-matter of fact, stating the truth, could appear 'insensitive, arrogant'
rapport- trying to be mild, on agreeable terms, even if it's not the truth. on the good ground not to hurt others' feelings. called 'hypocrites' 'bores' by those who support report speech
am i report or rapport? varies.

rising intonation in northern american speech, a trait most observable in females
haha, hit right on! the most bizarre n funny thing i noticed is the rising intonation in canadian accent. (not to mention how they pronounce 'out' as 'oat', about/aboat...)

Hi, have u had lunch yet? you know, the menu today's really good? like they've got bacon? sausage? deserts? You know how i love deserts? like i can't get enough of them?

where they could have just lowered their tones to a humble comma or fullstop. but they don't.
studies show females use rising intonations more often when conversing with males. lack of insecurity is the suggested explanation.

whatever. it's FUNNY.
eg. given by prof
hey i went to the cinema? the film's really good? and it's really cheap? like only 8 dollars? coz it's in the afternoon?

and here's a paper on 4 funny features of TORONTO ENGLISH
http://www.chass.utoronto.ca/~ikalmar/253/253tso97.html
ikalmar, full name Ian Kalmar, is our current anthropology lecturer...
anway, the study of rising intonation on supposedly declarative statements is still in its hypothesis stage i guess.

and this famous person called Noam Chomsky, who introduced the concept of competence vs. performance in linguistic studies
http://www.unibas.ch/LIlab/staff/tenhacken/language-acquisition/W1_Introduction.pdf

official website of Noam Chomsky: http://www.chomsky.info/index.htm

ahhhhhhhh, linguists can REALLY make u MAD. and so are SCIENTISTS

on blogs

hey tree, that's a nice suggestion that i can change my blog to garnetcrow.blogspot.com and I wonder if it's already taken. But no, you all will have to relink me and I have my own reasons to stay in my sty. After all, GC is GC and i'm this happy heavenly pig in her sty. sort of a trade name that goes everywhere, from my personal webpage to my emails to my forum discussion names and down to this blog.

2 hours left before genetics tut. i need to challenge myself with txt bk questions or else there'll be nothing to do for tut.

on biochem profs

biochm term test II is coming. and Prof. Moran is going to leave us. Baker will come.

i'm always very slow to appreciate a lecturer's style. Now i realize Moran isn't so Moron. I've always complained of his horrible teaching but after I've analyzed it, I realized he's just a bit different from what i'm so used to. He's not so organised as Rini, true, but he makes people think by contrasting current theories and bringing homologous mechanisms along the evolutionary pathway. there's a general force that governs everything. what i remember most about his lectures is the constant reminder that 'this's not the only...'

NADH is NOT the only electron donor, neither is water the only electron acceptor.
there could be nitrates. cytochrome c? NADPH in plants. etc etc.

H2O is NOT the only source of electrons for photosystems. look at all the chemobacteria out there. H2S, complex ions. they're all sources of electrons to replenish the pool.

and photosysnthesis is not ONLY about oxidation of water or the making of carbo. Carbo is just one of the many uses of the energy harnessed from PS.

we're often blind by conventions or what we take as default while in truth alternatives and variations are the proud products of nature. we're too familiar with ourselves to realize other organisms' intricate designs, or at least some of us do.

But how to escape the box? Unless someone reminds you that it could be DIFFERENT. or you read more on your own initiative. the more u know, the more u'll see.

so Prof Moran isn't bad as i've thought, in fact quite enlighting sometimes. and he seems to be trying hard to build good relationships with fellow students, which's rare for a busy old man like he is. Even someone as attractive looking and young as Prof. Rini doesn't bother to do that. Rini is very systematic though. very very organised. and it's my favourite style. no overheads or powerpoints. talking through the concepts and writing down the main points on transparency sheets. and i memorized lots of stuff while copying n listening. but prof moran, sighs, why do i drift off so often everytime i stare at his slides. but maybe the section he covered is more complex n challenging. all the mechanisms.

genetics prof is also good. mind-stimulating type. bio prof is thorough. too thorough. as if she's afraid we might not get her at every single point. the 2nd lecture she left 2 pages uncovered. today's lecture she only covered 2 pages of the new lecture handouts. it's gonna snowball. in no time we'll have to add extra lectures just to finish up the handouts.

miss you

summer days are gone, too soon
you shoot the moon
missed completely
now you're left to face the gloom
empty rooms,
that once smelled sweetly
of all the flowers you plucked and only
you knew the reason
why do we each have to be lonely
was it just
the season

missing you

that used to be the cover page of my november diary, when i did my frontpage. norah jone's voice dripped melancholy, swirling lazily in the air, like a poison that seeps into your bone marrows.

it was just a mood. i looked at the picture and decided to give it a yellow tone. it used to be black n white. old jeep, slight frown, mind's that gets a bit carried away but you won't talk.

last nite i talked to dad for a long time on msn.
- i don't know what i'm doing anymore. the last semester's like a blur.
i don't know what i'm going to do in the future or what i'm capable of doing at all.

- haha, same as me back in university. we learn everything but don't know what we're going to do in the future. But you'll know when you go on to postgrad and become specialised in a field. It'll be different. Hard work will pay off. Right now you'are standing at the bottom of a hill. Then you climb up the hill top and see a bigger picture. Later on you reach the mountaintop and see all the hills. It'll be clearer as you move your way up.

- [i can't understand a single published scientific paper, i know very little] maybe.

- dad, do you think i'll do better if given another choice?

- like?

- like language, or visual-related field.[animation? media?]

- it's a good hobby. and it's too late to abandon all you've established that's related to science and start anew.

-i think so too

-biochm is a good field. and it's very broad. you can do lots of things in the future. jst that you might not see it all now. you can study marine organisms, how it all works in humans, or in animals, diseases , a whole lot of things. and the future prospective is good.

- i might go and visit you in summer.

- that'll be great if you can come.

- if i can go?

- if you can come and see me i mean.

- wish both you and mum can come together.

- we'll go to your graduation ceremony.

- definitely

- oh, i was thinking of what course to choose for summer.

- i'll give you the website link. take a look.

- eastern study, women study, calculus, psychology, french, etc. etc.

after lenghty discussion

- french isn't so bad. you'll find it useful

- mmm, i agree. it's not so bad. i haven't disliked it that much. there's still hope haha. i'll take it up again in summer. will be better this time around.

- don't worry too much about the future. just concentrate on the work at hand. you'll know when you learn more.

- i guess so

- miss home?

...

- quite alrite. not that much

i'm a perpetual liar.

- bye! catch you next time!

and i forgot to say thank you so much. i shouldn't be so lost anymore.

you said 'we're social beings. not natural beings.'

social beings. we have obligations.

i remembered how i crazily researched on studio ghibli last summer. the thick documents i compiled. i was proud of it. coz i knew all about it. all the stuff about animation, from a script's proposal to the final production. and i wish i could become part of the efforts too.
i could do the same for science. i knew too little.
- dad it's easy for you to say that. coz your university life isn't so bad. you scored highest all along.

- coz i just want to have something to boast to my daughter when i'm an old man like this.

if that's merely a hobby. science is also a hobby. i'll like it i guess. i'm not giving up yet. and i have to fall back to reality. give myself a little bit of courage.

so many things rushed through my mind last night.

i need to restart.

morning calls

2 morning calls
one from cousin, one from nanmin a1 yi2.
i was still sound asleep.

it was most weird that cousin called at this time. true he hasn't contacted me for quite some time but the call lasted for about ten minutes, equal to all the previous phone calls added up together. and he sounded very cheerful and even talked about personal things like his distant girlfriend in taiwan. shared some thoughts, a few jokes. and even asked me whether i have a boyfriend. that's when desipite the heavy eyelids and hazy thinking, i started to get the clue that he was sent on some impossible mission by my parents to ask about me regarding things they themselves found difficult to ask. but he denied it so we chatted for a while. Till the time i said 'bye', i was fully awake, or i thought i was. coz i fell back to sleep in no time.

and why did he ask about my birthday. Like one fine morning, he started to realize he hasn't been very close to me? Or one of his new year resolutions reads 'get to know my cousin better'?

with these thoughts i fell back into sub consciousness. till another deadly phone call woke me up.

from nanmin a yi. 'Hello?' i tried to sound as awake as can be, and i thought i succeeded, coz she didn't say anything like 'oops, sorry, you're still sleeping.' but i was wrong. after settling the schedule, she said'alrite, cya then. please go back to sleep.' I hang up the phone with a big sign and indeed went back to sleep. I'm such a lousy actress.

i slept at five thirty this morning. why...

coz i was watching the film shorts on pixar web. they're tremendously entertaining and inspiring.
http://www.pixar.com/shorts/index.html

i'm mad.
yes and i'm spending too much time on blogging.

i'll switch to lifesymmetry blog now. coz that's just a blog for me to dump notes n research while i'm going over txtbook stuff. so as not to make learning too boring.

no chinese displayed!!!!!!! urghhhhhhhhhh

what a revelation!! and damn it infinite pain!!! now no chinese can be properly displayed on this blog. is it coz of the new formatting??? and no journal titles are displayed. all that appears is a date. i hate it. but I dunno how to fix it, coz i'm a HTML IDIOT!!

big construction!!!!

whew, i'm really damned. i spent so much time fixing my blogs that i got all my priorities wrong!!!!!! save me! but finally it's taken some kind of shape.

right now 4 blogs in total

heavenlypigsty- journals
redro(order spelt backwards)-reviews, quotes, etc. dedicated to art n lit
novelx - free verse n random scribblings
lifesymmetry- for science [ with the primary intention of revising a day's learning]

novelx is in fact a project under way between me and jady. we're slapstick. and it's a long story. bottom line is, we're supposed to continue with each other's writing, mostly scribbles and threads sparked by random inspirations. title 'novelx' is the title of the novel we've stored away under future project titles. i only hope we can still remember it somehow. coz right now, jady stick is lazying around/too busy with life and novelx is temporarily checked. so i thought better to carry on with my own just for the fun of it. anyone who's interested in continueing with pieces of scribbles r highly welcome to do so.

I MUST GO BACK TO STUDY NOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

1st cultural anthropology lecture

guess it's time for me to stop whining and put down a day's happenings with some humbleness. another way for me to regurgitate stuff learned i guess instead of cramming everything before tests. bio lec from 2 to 3. Prof Goring is slightly plump, no, she IS plump. that's where the contradiction starts coz her high pitched typical female voice doesn't match her image. and somehow gives me a very frenchy feeling. makes her look a bit funny. But she's very patient at explaining, to the extent that she never managed to finish a day's agenda so far. there're 2 pages of slides left to be covered till next lecture. Was learning membrane transport function. a bit boring coz 90% is old stuff. as is always the case with a new topic. started off simple and basic and took off to mind boggling, dizzying lenghthy paragraphs of explanations and then i started realize that i need to work hard in order to catch up. and i won't try to relive last semester's scenario this time.

Ivan Kalmar, our cultural anthropology lecturer is absolutely hilarious and he's obviously unaware of his power of humour. or rather an unconscious joker. He has a rather strange sounding European accent which makes even innocent things sound a little bit funny. For example somewhere thru the lecture, a slip of tongue he said ' princess charles' while he meant to say prince charles. and nearing lec's end, some people were already packing up all ready to flee and the prof, whom I regard as the most powerful and efficient lecturer so far at stopping people from fleeing from the scene, shouted 'sit down', with a horribly strange accent, and added 'or you wil FAIL', with an equally strange accent. i think some people laughed so hard they were too weak to walk so they just stayed. the lecture content, well, is very philosophical and confusing. we talked about sign cultrues and language. language not as communication, but as something in 'constructing the world', lots of arbitrary ideas. that the realization of 'ego', or self/I, is a result of language. what we understand as I is not an innate behaviour but a direct consequence of language, a culture's construction. that is to say, 'I', instead of natural, is 'cultural'. the theory that a new born baby has no consciousness of being a separate individual, i.e. a total lack of 'ego', was proposed by Jacques Lacan[1901-81]. whether it's experimental or theory i'm yet to find out. and the funny thing about language is, it's based on a 'binary' system, or say, words are understood 'in oppostion' to each other. we know there's an 'I' because there's a 'you'. they're opposing elements. i'm still confused about this concept. so far what I've understood is, language is based on something similar to 'relativity'. That each single word on its own has little meaning unless compared to its opposing element. we're not conscious of such concepts because language is a natural thing to us. we know what message the word 'good' conveys, but we're unaware that 'good' will probably be meaningless without 'bad'. and another feature of language is that there's a constant site of struggle. words take on different meanings in differnet contexts. and it can become a dangerously sensitive topic.

'charles pierce', now he mentioned it. i didn't realize he's such a renowned linguist, etc. etc [a super long title list], i did quote his sayings in my classics essay. will that give me a bonus??

gregor mendel

Gregor Mendel is a genius.

and i hate his world for ignoring him.

what kind of girl you are

You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.


What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

what greek god are you?

Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

lethargy

school restarts and i'm out of the mood. Holidays are too short n transient now what's left is cold reality that i'll have to pick up school work or else i'll fail the tests. expectation from parents is really pressing. Last time dad said he wished he could see me graduate with an honour and be proud of me i just sat back n stared at the screen till it became a swirling blur, very lost in mind's wild wanderings. I dare not tell him I didn't do well for my midterms and it's in fact difficult to find research jobs in summer. on top of that, i've lost the energy to study. I could force myself to study and might even get along well but , lethargy, slowly consuming me. I start to doubt time n again if this's the life i want. be a researcher. I have no idea about it. I have absolutely no idea what it is. and i think i'm a coward.

last night dalei went online, said it was his first time using msn. i laffed n told him even my parents have learnt how to use it. haha. he asked me about school ' any problem fitting in? made any new friends?' sorts of questions only asked by a brother, truly a brother. althou there's no true brother-sisterhood so to speak. It reminds me of Michael's sister in 'Natural', she asks the same sort of questions. ' Does Michael like school?' 'Did he make any friends?' you can almost tell instantly she's a sister. intricate feelings. I feel grateful. thank you so much.

gcfans?

I'm pissed that's why i'm writing this blog.
YESS I'M PISSSSSSSSSSSSED!
the link i posted on the gcfans forum about my personal webpage is moved to guan shui qu. i totally dun understand the policy there. the whole webpage is dedicated to garnet crow and i just wanna introduce this wonderful group to more people, including those in the eng speaking world.
well states there on the forum that you r free to express your own feelings n good wishes for gc. why would a gcfan's original views n analysis on gc go to a joke forum and those miscellaneous totally unorigianl postings adapted from external websites counted as 'legal n acceptable'?
there's quite a bit of information on profiles n stuff and he moved it to guan shui qu, and please take a look at the postings there, jokes, jokes n more jokes. Is the serious good intention of a gc fan a joke? I wanna say, what the hell. laugh it in your face. and it's such a disappointment that a gcfan could not recognize the efforts of another gcfan. in the end, we're all hoping the best for garnet crow. and THAT IS NOT A JOKE.

i wanted to spit it out on the forum and figured out better it wasn't rational. will just complicate the matter. but this one goes to you personally, GCFANS, you who started the forum. i respect what you've done, but you're so blind and irrational.

i shall go for dinner and cool myself off. that's too much of a provocation to my temper. TMD, damn the day. nothing good happened so far, what a difference a day made!