Narcissus

If you read 'Narcissus', just a name, what pops into your mind?
The Narcissus in Greek mythology who loses himself in his own beauty?
Or the fragrant flowers called 'daffodil'.

I only knew today 'Narcissus' is the scientific name for daffodil. I was frankly surprised. Why do they name the flower in such way. And it happened to be one of my favourite flowers.

Daffodils are joyful, delicate white petals swaying in a summer afternoon, over the mellows, in your dreams, an impression I have from readng William Woodsworth's 'I wandered lonely as a cloud'.
So they're called Narcissus.

resolution

i'm so damn pissed with myself, i have so much bloody time on my hand and i still can't bloody study, what the F is wrong with me. I'M JUST SO MAD.
If i dun get As for my finals, i'm not going home this summer I bloody swear.
I really am in a mess.

one fine day

What a sunny day!!! I woke up to the wispy clouds stuck to the blue sky visible beyond my bed. I forgot to draw the curtains last night. I remember yesterday afternoon, as i peeped through half closed eyes (after my so called 'nap'), I saw a trail of vapour across that familiar corner of sky, like the tail of a wishing star, only it was so creamy n stayed longer. I closed my eyes, thinking it might stay there for me just a bit longer and when i finally opened my eyes again it was gone. What a transient presence. The sunshine's still so warm n beautiful, as if nothing significant really happened.

Me and guizi roamed around after lunch. Our original plan was to buy some snacks at Drugmart but later went further to Yonge Street, visited the HMVs, lamented how small the store and incomplete the collections are. And how impressive Orchard HMV is, three-storey, with music records shipped from all over the world. Whatever happened to entertainment business here. And I just realized(after spotting the soundtrack on cd shelf) that the composer for 'house of flying daggers' music isn't Tan Dun as what i've always thought. It's actually shigeru umeyabashi, a Jap composer who also composed for 'hua yang nian hua' and '2046'. Why didn't they ask Tan Dun I wonder.

It's suuch a fine day. So happy. If the weather's good tmr, we're going to the lake. finally finally finally.

And the latest version of MSN has this 'personal message' feature, just an additional line below your display name and it can automatically display the music you're playing on windows media player , in real time. It's kind of funny observing wat music others r listening to. Not a bad feature, just that too few people are using the new version. And most of the time I have no idea what chinese songs they're listening to coz i'm so out of touch.

blood is thicker than water

'Blood is thicker than water'
- a phrase quoted in today's cultural anthropology class. We're studying family patterns and relations. Not a difficult phrase you might say, but doesn't every word has its story. I was suddenly reminded of the chinese phrase 'xue nong yu shui' and it started me thinking whether there's a relation between these two or whether there's a possibility one originated from another. Google gives some results but none of which concrete enough to give any history of origins. And it's surprising how the meaning of this phrase shifts in modern time. It probably dates back to the Middle East, the Arabic World a source says. Quoting from original source 'The blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb' is an explanation quoted by some commentators.

However the expression has certainly been in use for hundreds of years with its modern interpretation - ie., that blood is stronger than water (relatives being connected by blood, compared to the comparative weakness of water, symbolising non-family). In this sense, the metaphor is such an obvious one that it is likely to have evolved separately from the supposed 'blood brothers' meaning, with slightly different variations from different societies, over the many hundreds of years that the expression has been in use.' Well guess I shouldn't say the meaning 'shifts' coz there's no concrete evidence whether the implication on strong family ties evovles from 'blood brothers'. (In the past, they'd cut their hands and clap them together to symbolise brotherly bonding.)

And i googled 'xue nong yu shui' to no avail. Who knows the origin of the chinese phrase??

dai

Do as infinity - Heart
really nice song, exotic, a light touch of arabian colours there, and 'daladalala' sounding guitar rhythms makes the song very crispy n funky.
Samurai champloo ended. Strangely I dun feel an important part of me being taken off this time around. Usually upon reaching the end of almost anything, a novel, a manga, a drama, I'd feel someone brutally steals away half of my soul so i'd be in a daze for a long time before coming to terms with that shadow that finally walks out of my life. But this time around, I'm fulfilled in a way. Nostalgic nevertheless because the ever so wonderful discussion forum - swords n sunflowers r probably gonna dissemble soon. A group of champloo lovers, some intellectual, some humourous, some sentimental, gather together for the expanse of the journey travelled by our lovely characters mugen jin and fuu, and as the series ended, polite participants who never see each other before (assume) slowly leave one by one, carrying with them good memories. Maybe episode so and so, or the queer behavioursof this and that. How nice it is, I always thought. That's something I wanna leave behind in my life. Some people with the magic power do it. Shinichiro watanabi makes people talk about cowboy funk, samurai hiphop mixed fun, regardless of the year, the age, the culture. Most importantly, aside from the huge success and all the commercial talk, these people are giving us chances for fond memories, something we'd recall with glee years down the road. Or even the next generation, and the next.

flying

Hey let's fly to the kingdom where men's never been before
pedal in spring air with eyes washed by morning dew
scream in joy till all the wishing stars trip down to our open hands
and embrace the reincarnated thrill we never knew!

- I just feel like shouting ' here comes spring!!' and I deeeeeeefintely love this pic.

gloomy

current mood: upset

Fight over toothpaste, selfish, childish, above all disappointing

I ran out of toothpaste and was too lazy to buy any. So i shared toothpaste with guizi. Wanted to go shopping this afternoon but guizi wouldn't go with me. Usually i have very little motivation to shop for things unless accompanied.
'Oh but if u r going, buy me snacks.'
'why not go together. it's gonna be quick anyways.'
'it's so cold outside.'
'like i'd feel warm out there.'
'well you'll survive without toothpaste i guess'

Is that a threat? i was started for a second but paid no attention. I'll just go n buy it tomorrow then.

And this evening it DID HAPPEN! A NIGHT WITH NO TOOTHPASTE.
But the thing that hurts most is prob the childish act of hiding a toothpaste just so ur 'friend' can't use it. whether for revenge or for reminder doesn't make me feel any better. It's plainly disappointing n hurting. So much for a friend. Over toothpaste, great.
And then i was really annoyed i'd be upset over such trivial things. But it's indeed upseting. I mean, what the hell, your close close friend is turning her back on u. And it's not a big deal after all. Just that i refused to go out today to shop for necessities. is that such a horrible mistake.
Should i laugh or should i be mad. I really dun feel like speaking, neither showing any temper. Should i just pull a calm face, get up tomorrow with again, no toothpaste, put on my clothes round my scarf open the door step out, freeze , 'hey can u buy me some snacks? since u r going out to shop for toothpaste after all?',
so i'd say 'yes', how miserable miserable zhu. If there's colour for someone's mood which could be seen by naked eyes, i'd shut my eyes close so tight so that i won't be able to know how she's feeling. what if she's gloating with glee or feeling anywhere near victory. Wasn't i cheating myself how it all didn't matter.
The truth is, there just ARE gloomy petty things like this that spoil your days.

And about houses too. Sighs, not sure if gang is reading this. I'm really really somewhat mad why she wouldn't move out with us. Well, if u r happy with the plan, i'm fine with just anything. The rest is not worth discussing. Sighs, I don't know why i'm so messed up, or just equally so with anybody else. Is there ever a thing called naked sincerity anymore. Shall we speak without shame of losing our own pride. Like once , or twice in a while. I'd be so damn glad. Hey, you n me, what's going on...

shadow of ghost

I got a letter today, from poetry.com, to which i submitted that valentine poem i wrote in feb. It was a long way back and I almost forgot everything about it. And now it popped up and told me that poem was chosen to be published in their anthology called 'eternal portraits', a collection of amateur poems and it was entered into semifinal contest I'm pretty glad about it since it comes as a nice surprise. Later after the excitement receded, i felt stupidly childish all over. It's merely a trick to reap more money out of innocent naive pple like me. they ask you to preorder the book which has a page specially devoted to you that kind of crap. What if u dun order, it'll never appear! And you won't know it will ya? It's really just scam that feasts on a moment of vanity and greed. But i really hate their way of doing it. Coz pple do want to be recognized for their talents and those blood suckers live on that false satisfaction they inject into hungry preys. What a dirty world.
Well it's a precious lesson learnt. I still enjoy reading random poetries written by amateurs on poetry.com. About the contest, well, to hell with it.

damnit

for lack of better words to describe today, i'll simply say it sucks.
turns out the biochem test on lipids kills us all. Dr. Baker's absolutely fun to listen to but who expects his test to be so hellish. And i dun understand how that person who sells me txt book gets a 90% plus on the 2004 Baker test. Geez i've started branding it 'Baker test'. I'm roasted.
In fact everyday's more or less the same, tests n more tests. Sometimes we tell jokes, poking each other for fun but the summary of each day, is the same.
listening to 'days of days over you' by love psychedlico. It sounds so lazy and melting I wanna heave a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG sigh, breathe out all the stale air of the day and give up in blissful laziness. I wish i could think of someone, have someone to think about, even for a day. Just don't linger on my mind too long.

origami

Feeling rather dead today. Some dreadful dreams visited me again. It's not a happy thought to realize how cowardly i am. To be so lost as what to do with future. I was feeling bonelessly numb and tired and so decided to take a nap. Was thirsty. Despite sticky and gluey saliva i refused to fetch any drink and lay prostrate back up on my bed. After a short time, my senses told me my feet were getting cold so i crawled under the quilt and balled up with my head covered in silent darkness, nonetheless warm n comforting. Then it happened again. 2nd yr, 3rd, 4th, graduation, getting a job? go on studying? getting married, getting committed. wait, wait, what?? what's that dread? i woke up all of a sudden. Through open eyes in front me guizi was watching animation again. Geez she has a test in two days or so. Colours flashing on screen, one by one, shades and highlights, now n then, on and off. It was silent. The upholstered chair she was nudged in. I could barely make out her head when she slouched in it knees up like that. One table, another. A light, another. Symmetrical. It felt surreal. 'life's like a dream' 'it's a dream it's a dream wake up wake up' I was so sick of the voice i jumped out of bed and grabbed the apple on my table. Apple is demon's favourite fruit, original sin from the garden of eden. Where did i get that idea from? Whenever someone plays with AN APPLE, especially red apple, ruby, garnet, whatever you call it. Spinning it by the stalk, staring at the plump body, tossing it up n down, slicing it into horizontal plates. All of them wicked gestures. It wasn't tasteful coz it wasn't fresh. I finished it anyway.

Don't feel like reading anything tonight. Three hours' worth of information gathering on the bio writing project proved to be detrimental to health, esp. on a monday. Instead i just fooled around trying to find some random target to research on. Then i saw the origami icon on my own blog. Why did i choose giraffe origami for decoration?? I have no idea, maybe a pile of sand goes better with the background.


Happy Giraffe!!

anyway, bored as i was ,i googled 'origami' and 'paper folding'.
'origami' is a word of Jap origin, literally means 'oru=fold, gami=paper'.
Here's a definition on 'origami'
Origami is a form of visual / sculptural representation that is defined primarily by the folding of the medium (usually paper).

It is really interesting to note that the word 'origami' did not arise from a background in any way related to recreational art. But think of it, how many of modern art expressions were truly in their original evolvements centred around the purpose of 'art' or 'the sake of appreciation'? Pottery probably first appeared as coarse formless containers to gather water, oil paintings for historical recording purposes when there were no cameras or video recorders around. Humans are foremost practical social animals. MMM, according to the website paperfolding, the word 'origami' was initially used in the combined phrase 'origami tsuki', meaning a kind of certificate that was usually folded and presented together with swords and gifts to samurai? as apprasiement. So it was a formal document somewhat equivalent of modern day 'diploma'. And i wasn't even aware of the connection between 'diploma' and 'origami' after all my efforts in greek n latin. geez, how unsuccessful. 'diploma' = di[two] + plo[fold] + ma[a form], meaning something folded in two or of two fold. Weird why your precious diploma should be folded in two eh? Same goes with 'origami', its ancient form being a formal certificate that was folded in two so as to prevent 'illegal copying', for discrete privacy reasons. How queer that is, ancient japs and latins behaved the same. and now the two words floated along the river of history and reached us, one with a face and the other virtually unscathed.

Was wondering where the art of paper folding originated from.
Here's a tremendously stimulating article on the origin of paper folding.
History of Origami,
It seems that the 'origami' is NOT japanese art. Europeans and the Japs have evolved different styles of paper folding, rather independently. And it is ambiguous as in where on hell paper folding first appeared. Though china invented paper(ingenious!!), the art of paper folding does not necessarily come from our country.

And there're a whole lot of mathematical theories that go into origami. wow...

And found this super cute poem by a malaysian
The art of Japanese paper folding is origami
Which is greatly appealing to me;
Origami is truely fun and creative
As folders are skilful and imaginative.
They create origami models without glue
In various colours: yellow , red and blue;
Their origami models are fantastic
As they appear to be realistic.

Many an adult indulge in origami
As it is considered as a good therapy;
Some patients are taught paper- folding
And the result of recovery is outstanding.

At wonderful creations children marvel
So they begin folding a simple model;
Their end-product they are proud to see
Hoping someday they will be good at origami.

-tpkong-

One of his works


gotta sleep, this's sure a great hobby. But i don't know any real life people around me who are good at it. I totally suck at it. The only origami i can manage is paper crane *_* or maybe give it a try i can still remember how to fold frogs. Reminded me how i used bus tickets to fold paper cranes back in singapore. It all started when i noticed two carefully folded paper cranes sitting on the rubber panel, right below my elbow. They looked so delicate and elegant. What was the person thinking when he played around with the bus tickets, seated in the same spot where i found them. But it was almost a teasure island i treaded upon. I was happy that day. And i thought, actually i still think even now, that i'd most likely fall in love with such a person if he ever appears in my life. For it's probably more than a sleight of hand that does the trick. or maybe it's just me who never quits day dreaming.