有的时候觉的真不可思议，爱一个人有多少就可以同样恨多少。鄙视，自嘲，痛彻，烦人，不想管了，不想理了，那影子却蔓延至每一处细节与小习惯。忙碌时并无察觉，身处deja vu之地了，发现日常生活中的小缺失了，又开始想有的没的了。发了毒誓再周旋这鸟事就无聊到死，可还是无法完全抹杀，最后苦笑发誓的最终原因就是证明自己有多伪君子，有多纠缠不清。可是恨又从哪里来，可以砸玻璃炸飞机，可以拿叉子狠戳牛排，可以狂奔一万里消耗掉自己的胫骨血肉。明明很多事都是划不清界限的，明智的愚蠢的，对的错的，真的假的。既然不喜欢模棱两可，就要干净的赶尽杀绝，为什么选择活的那么清楚。我想象有人拿把剃刀，打开我的大脑把那肿瘤一刀一刀的刮清爽，然后用强压水龙头冲个彻底。像eternal sunshine，留下空白如初，我就能大大方方的走到你面前欣赏你的尊容，心里想着这人面善，也许能做个朋友。萍水相逢何不为快。那位说爱情卑贱到尘土里开出花儿来，我只会烧自己的头发，让这灰越积越厚，厚到可以挖坑自埋。但八成没有力气爬进去，就小坐一会儿虚度光阴，意识到自己守着谁留下的坟了，又恨恨唑口痰悻然离去。再呆一秒钟都是罪。
为什么要活的那么明白，为什么不能谅解，为什么那么难看。为什么阿你有病吧我说，快点忘记吧快忘了吧。然后他妈又想起来那人喜欢唱“记得要忘记，忘记。”我的娘。。。太没天理了！！
2 comments:
YOU NEED TO MOVE OUT OF THAT ROOM. SOON. SOONER. !!!
Meanwhile treat your stoic self like a lab rat, careful monitor and record its hormone surges and brainwaves, how it goes back and forth in a labyrinth..it would make a wonderful paper at the end of it all...remember you are the eye, although also the rat..the dynamic equilibrium needs to be fine tuned.
Don't hate yourself for feeling feelings, it's not your fault. and the phase shall come to pass. and in other thoughts, i think i like times of anguish, i feel more raw and express better (don't we all)...pat pat. you need SLEEP too, dudess.
I so want to move out of that room but I have a mountain of stuff. It's impossible to yu2 gong1 yi2 shan1 within this short period of time.
I recharged enough today, slept from 4am to 4pm, brunchinnered (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and feeling refreshed.
I rubbish a lot when i'm unhappy. Miss happy bubbly time. I should get out of it soon.
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