the self

original picture taken from here

What do you do when you no longer like yourself?

I was sifting through my messy MSN contacts and was wondering why the heck would some people add me to their contacts but never talked to me once. Just when I was about to delete all the nonsense, I spotted the display name 'S.X'? 'S.X' who? Do I know you? I have no clue, not even from the email address so I decided to look at his MSN space. Maybe his name's written in the profile. What a simple space layout. No names, no extras, just 3 neat entries. 'What do you do when you no longer like yourself?' the latest entry reads.

Hmm.

Just when I was deep in thoughts, S.X.'s conversation window popped out, 'Hi!'. For real? Isn't it scary? I felt like a thief caught redhanded although I didn't really invade his privacy.

'I was looking at your blog.'
'What? I'm looking at yours too.'
Conversation was going perfectly soap opera.
'what??'
'I was reading your last entry.'
'Ah forget it, it's just male PMS'

That's a poignant description. Male PMS. Anyhow I can't help thinking about the question. The fact is, I don't like myself either, periodically. Why in the whole wide world do I easily like someone else but never myself? It's so difficult to 'be myself' and still 'like it'. I'm losing that spontaneity. I even hate my decisions. I'm so brainblocked I don't know what more to write except I'm not comfortable with the current me.