转载几个bl笑话

某法律学生的blog上看来的，大学老师里发生的事，就当黄色笑话吧（恩，blogbus应该不会ban yellow colour这两个字吧。。。-.-||）

由于是理工王道的大学（汗，我现在好像动不动就用“王道”这个词），所以居然连我们法律系都要学高数和物理实验！
话说有次上什么机械学原理的时候，实验皮带传动的结构，偶前排一组男生那个皮带转着转着不动了，就举手问老师，老师正忙得一头汗，呼哧呼哧的跑过来，发现只是很小的问题应该可以自己解决的：那个三层传动不一样长，包在最外面的那层皮带拖出来了，他气愤之下一时忘了那层皮带怎么称呼，就大声训斥～～
“你的包皮都长得拖到地板上了！怎么动得起来？！”

全场顿时鸦雀无声……||||


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还是上面那个机械学原理的老师……
有次是做摆幅实验，之前要测量一个类似秤坨的铁疙瘩的直径，要量N次取平均值，话说我边上一个男生量了好几次都误差过大，别人都开始算摆幅了他还在那量秤坨。把那个老师急得就跑过来帮他量，学过的同学都知道，那东西是用一个叫游标卡尺的专业工具量的，一端有一个凹处，把秤坨塞在里面量。那老师一边塞一边恶狠狠的对那可怜的男生说——

“你夹那么紧我怎么塞得进去？！放松！放松～～哎呀你一下放那么松干什么？我这儿都滑出来了！”

然后我看前排的男生一个个都趴在桌子上肩膀直抽……||||


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偶那个讲民法的老师，有一次在黑板上列了一个民事行为的分析表，退后三尺，左看右看，自觉十分得意，于是大声问全班——
“我纲列（肛裂）得帅不帅？”
大家憋住笑齐声大喊——“帅！”

（关于此老师……其人甚是自恋，有次洋洋洒洒做了个案例分析，做完了还把一同学叫起来问：“你说我分析得帅不帅？”该同学其实在睡觉，根本没听见他讲什么，于是硬着头皮稀里糊涂的回答说“帅呆了！” BT老师大喜：“说得好！坐下！”）


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偶讲国际贸易法的老师，特别爱用英文缩语，上课总是DA（承兑交单）、TR（信托收据）、UCP（跟单信用证统一惯例）什么什么的～～要是没有事先预习，根本不知道他在讲什么……
有次我上课睡得迷迷糊糊，忽然听他大声说：“……根据不同的标准，我们可以把BL分成以下几种情况——比如，清洁BL和不清洁BL……”
我睡意全无！慌忙在那里翻书……被该老师看见，走过来用教鞭点住偶的书，狞笑着问偶：“你来说说看，区分BL是否清洁的标准是什么？”
偶僵住……那个庐山瀑布汗啊！（其实我爆想说是有没有使用安全套……）
看偶呆若木鸡，老师叫偶坐下，很不屑的说：“我看你其实连什么是BL都不知道吧！”

奇耻大辱～奇耻大辱啊～～～～～～～～～俺堂堂一条修炼七八年的正宗耽美狼居然被人在大庭广众下说不知道BL！！
（=_=||||正解：BL其实是bill of lading，即提单。区分BL是否清洁(clean BL & unclean BL)的标准是看承运人是否在提单上进行了批注）

***

G, 2006-10-08 23:10:05

咳咳，朱你近些年的笑话似乎都是黄色笑话呢！8过那个自恋的老师还真是崩溃=.="

零碎

在cdjapan定了GC的新专辑，大出血，请保佑一定要寄到！！

这个更不可思议了。今天收到两封email，都是YOUTUBE发来的。第一封，说我上传的一个电视现场表演侵权，被Tokyo TV提出删掉了。Fine。第二封，是个名叫David的留言 >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWYRLmIuQWQ

David: God, I was fat back then (that second fan was me... I really did cut school in California to go to Tokyo for their first live tour)! I had this subtitled in English on my old GC fansite (which I had to close due to funds), but it was on my old computer that has since died... Thanks for uploading!

感觉像贞子从电视机里爬出来跟我说话，哦天！

连续三天做了奇怪的梦
今早：突然有人说有EAGLES的演唱会。透过百叶窗看演唱会的台设，发现是露天的，三排座位，只够50人不到。桂子很深闺怨妇脸孔的坐在最后一排，撑着头看我们。（我们是谁？？）门票500美元，我最后下定决心去了，结果没看到人来。

昨晚：国共两党争斗，也许是内战的年代。一个老头子的儿子成了叛徒，整个人都变了。那老头最后狠下心，把孩子按进火堆，活活一个人成了一堆灰。老头一边哭一边上香，我安慰他，自己恶心的想吐，却又揪心的想叫。醒来时还是觉得很恶心。

大前天：以前去过一次教会的活动，认识的几个女孩子在梦里出现了。我和她们去了一个被遗弃的古建筑，有强烈的似曾相识感，不知是我以前梦过同样的场景还是一晚连做了两个相同的梦。似乎不用人指引也知道后面是片港湾，或是湖水，无法区别。走过用100本经文铺成的台阶，来到那片空旷的地。狂风暴雨中看到一本巨大的圣经躺在岸边，像一尊火红色的大顽石默默的守着，任凭雨水浇淋。然后我们躺下，用手臂档着头顶，就见一层密集水珠铺成的浪无比汹涌的打来，从我们身上涌过，那一刻觉得马上要窒息。攻势小了，抬头看发现根本不是湖，不过是下雨后发光的马路，上面有车开过。之后去了一个集市，一个女人用海螺塞住嘴，当中的那条缝隙像微咧的唇，让我想到Google Talk里的banana man :(|) 这个梦做的好累，为什么会梦到圣经，难道是所谓的预知梦？心里有点害怕。

补上一张年轻时的昂大节。



为什么会喜欢玫瑰红色的头发呢，因为非常喜欢这张插画里的男孩子。仅此而已。是一部叫Voice or Noise的漫画，这两个人关系是暧昧了一点，其实是超级清水很有深度的故事。比较成熟的那个是大学的物理教授，懂得动物的语言。男孩子叫郑一郎，也有和动物交流的天赋，但需要这位的指引开发。听懂动物的语言后，就完全进入了另一个世界，有时相当可怕，无法分辨Voice or noise。似乎被很多人批评说是个松散的故事，很难看懂，不过真的很喜欢呐，so喜欢她的画风。



GC新专辑里的第6首歌，叫“捉迷藏”，擅自从料理店转贴过来，谢谢ssaaxx的翻译。

GARNET CROW - かくれんぼ
作曲：中村由利
作词：AZUKI七
编曲：古井弘人

一、二、三……直到闭着眼睛默数的样子消失。
听到“已经好了”的声音再转身一看，一个人都看不到了。
啊，做出寻找的样子。
像这样一个人漫无目的走着也不错。
可以出来却不出来，那是因为有过约定吧。
诚心祈祷着，
如果到最后还是一个没找到，
愿望就一定可以实现。
尽管是玩耍，但还是坚信。
太阳落山之前谁都找不到也好。
消失了……
一个人、两个人……做着不安的举动也装着不知道。
院子关着，看来还是返回吧。
啊，临近午夜，从啼叫着的猫头鹰的声音中感觉到害怕也好。
而且如果一晚上都睡不着的话，拂晓时乌鸦也会叫吧。
如果到最后一直没有找到，
愿望应该一定会实现的。
只是玩罢了，屏住呼吸，
还打算祈祷么？我还是回去吧。
我是鬼呀
在乌鸦成群飞过的黄昏时分，带着爽快的心情，
微笑都溢出来了。
如果到最后一直没有找到，
愿望应该一定会实现的。
始终相信只是在玩耍，
这样一直祈祷下去就好。
我是鬼，
是鬼呀……

昂大节！！

Just read Jady's blog. My passion is relit with passion!!

An interview with Ondaajte, mainly on the making of 'EP'

By GARY KAMIYA

those who marvel at the luxurious energy of Michael Ondaatje's imagination, the muscular exuberance of his storytelling, the gem-like intelligence of his language, may not be surprised to learn that his own family history has been as fantastic as his prose. As he relates in his marvelous memoir, "Running in the Family," Ondaatje grew up in Ceylon (now Sri Lanka), the child of a strong-willed mother and a brilliant, maniacally eccentric father who was given, when in his superhuman cups, to pulling revolvers on trains and forcing them to run back and forth at his pleasure. As Ondaatje explores his Dutch-Ceylonese genealogy, he paints a sad, hilarious, unforgettable picture of lives lived to a surreal tropical hilt: an entire society consumed by compulsive gambling, whether on the race-track or on which crow would leave a wall first; endless affairs; bitter, witty feuds carried out in the "comments" section of hotel registers.

Ondaatje left Ceylon for England, and later moved to Canada, where he lives in Toronto and teaches at York University. Besides "Running in the Family," he is the author of three collections of poems — "The Cinnamon Peeler," "Secular Love" and "There's a Trick with a Knife I'm Learning to Do" — and four novels: "In the Skin of a Lion," "Coming Through Slaughter," "The Collected Works of Billy the Kid" and "The English Patient," which won the 1992 Booker Prize.

Salon spoke to Ondaatje in San Francisco, where he was on tour promoting the film.

---

Let me ask you about the genesis of "The English Patient." I was curious how it came into being. Because it does have a narrative skeleton, but over that is a fantastically imaginative, rich overlay of words and images. What came to you first — an image? Or was the entire plot present in your mind from the beginning?

No, the plot wasn't there until I finished the book, probably. I don't really begin a novel, or any kind of book, with any sure sense of what's happening or even what's going to happen. Almasy [the badly-burned "English patient" whose tragic love affair with Katherine Clifton forms the heart of the book] wasn't in the story in my head. Kip [the Indian sapper, or bomb-disposal expert, whose love affair with the English patient's nurse, Hana, offers a counterpoint to Almasy's story] wasn't in the story. Caravaggio [a shadowy thief with bandaged hands] wasn't in the story. It began with this plane crash and it went on from there. Now, why did this plane crash? What did that have to do with this guy in the plane? Who was the guy? When was it happening? Where was it happening? All those things had to be uncovered or unearthed, as opposed to being sure in my head.

Then there was a nurse and there was a patient, there was a man who was stealing back a photograph of himself. It was those three images. I did not know who they were, or how they were connected. So I sat down, I started to write and try to discover what the story was. And build from those three germs, really. I tend not to know what the plot is or the story is or even the theme. Those things come later, for me.

The film has a more straightforward plot explication. I wonder if films have to do this with narratives, whether they have to emphasize the strongest narrative thread. Especially in the case of a polyphonic story like yours, with multiple central characters. In the film they reduced the role of Kip substantially; a lot of his character's depth was removed. You were deeply involved in the creation of this film — did you go in wanting to stay close to your original vision, keep all of the voices in, and then realize it wouldn't work? Or did Anthony Minghella just say, from the beginning, "It won't work in film this way, and you have to go with my directorial instincts"?

I trust his directorial instincts. And I don't know film. I do know that film is much more visceral, in terms of its effect on the reader. It's much more immediate, and because of that it seems to be limited in a specific place. If a stranger dies in a movie, it doesn't really affect us as much as someone we've followed for an hour and a half. Whereas in a book, you can invent a stranger on the last five pages of a novel, and give that enough empathy for the reader to be devastated.

I think that is one of the differences between film and books that is very interesting. In a book, you can suddenly leap to another world and bring that world into the room. So the choices made here aren't so much about the politics of the movie-makers, they're about the technical limits of film — a medium that can also give us something quite devastating by saying less. Anthony, obviously, was very aware of this and he took some of the stuff that he couldn't put in and worked it into the fabric of the other characters. A lot of Almasy's stuff is drawn from other parts of the book.

Could you imagine this film with the material about Kip in it? Would that have made it too long?

Well, Anthony actually wrote all that stuff. All those things were in several drafts. The stuff he wrote about Kip's life in England was beautiful.

Yes, those were some of my favorite parts of the book.

When I heard they were going to make the movie, I thought, well, I know what's going to work is the stuff in England. Because it's like the old-fashioned movies, "Cockleshell Heroes," that we saw when we were kids. And the stuff Anthony wrote was terrific. Kip's training [as a bomb disposal expert] — it was all there. Then when we looked it at later, we realized that we had written this little half-hour movie in England in the middle of this one, which the movie would never recover from. Not because it was bad or even weak; in fact it was quite wonderful. But you can't have a diversion for 20 minutes while Kip trains in England. You have so many flashbacks already — to have another one in England would have been too much. I think Anthony wanted to make Kip important. He did as much as he could. I don't think he could've got all that stuff in there.

One of the themes of the book is redemption, transformation — particularly with the character of Hana. In the film, she's a simpler and less damaged character, and her redemption is easier.

The healing in the book takes much longer — there's a sense of history, which a book can catch, but a film almost can't.

I think your book is a little darker than the film, in that regard. The film ends with Hana riding in a truck and this lovely blurred green flashing, after that unforgettable shot of the plane over the desert. It's magnificent filmmaking. Whereas you end with Kip, in India, later — you're sort of off on another planet. That's maybe a more equivocal tone than in the film.

I didn't know how they were going to end it, because I didn't know how to end the book. I end up with someone dropping a fork in Canada and somebody catching a fork in India. But I thought the stroke of genius in the film was that little girl in the back of the truck, this kid watching. Everything that Hana has been is passed to that little kid, and when she's 20 years old, she's going to remember that ride in the truck and that woman who got on the truck with her. I thought that was such a wonder, it was so brief, but that was the open door to the continuation of some kind of future. How do you do that in a book? God knows. You can't get to that doorway. That's an example of how film can do some stuff that books can't.

When you saw this finished film, did it teach you anything about your own book? By seeing this kind of simulacrum of what you've done, did it give you an objective perspective, so that you'd say, "Oh, this is something that I really like or don't like"?

Yes. It is very much like having someone who's a specialist in feet suddenly say, "Do you realize that everyone is walking backwards in your story?" And you suddenly recognize certain constant habits of yours, or something you touched on briefly that now gets emphasized in the film, is in fact quite a wondrous little moment, that you didn't really explore, but Anthony did.

Anything in particular? Any moment that stands out?

In the book the relationship with Katharine and Almasy is sort of only in the patient's mind. There is a chapter called "Katharine" that deals with that love affair, with the first part of it anyway. What Anthony improved, I think, was a scene where he says "I hate ownership." In the book she hits him, just whacks him one and that is the end of the scene. I think the way they did it in the film was better — she just separated herself without touching him. Then they have a little scene with Hana and the patient, then they go back. This is where film is more subtle. You think "This is over now," and then there's an obsessive drawing back to each other.

The scene in the film when Kip pulls Hana up to look at the frescoes in the church was really majestic. The audience at the screening actually applauded. It's obviously an important scene in the book, but in the film, it seems to acquire a kind of centrality — it's an epiphany of joy and hopefulness. And it seemed like a very clever idea to change it from the book, because in the book Kip lifts up — is it a sergeant?

It's a classicist, actually. Get Alec Guinness up there! [laughs] When they were going to shoot this scene, and I knew it was going to be the Hana character, I yelled out,"Stop, stop, get an old historical classicist!" [laughs] But that scene is an example of how film can get delirious. To get delirious in a book, you have to do it in a different kind of way.

In the book, Hana is extremely detached and wounded. Whereas Juliette Binoche is just so eternally and wonderfully radiant. I don't think she can turn it off.

Now, you're talking about an actress who was in "Blue," who portrayed several shades of depression.

But even there, I thought she had an innocence. She was not burned out. And in this film she seemed less damaged. Was that a conscious decision?

I think that Anthony thought, basically you've got a guy in a bed who is burned, and to have as another main character a woman who is utterly shell-shocked — perhaps you could have a bit more fighting back.

All of the directorial changes seemed to have an extraordinary subtlety.

Yes. Almost all of them seemed to be there for an intelligent purpose, as opposed to "Hey, let's have more sex!" or something like that.

In the scene where Almasy carries Katharine out of the cave, he is actually screaming with grief. That really stuck in my mind. It was a terribly powerful note, but a dangerous one, in a way. It's something, again, that the discreet veil of fiction can cover. You don't know what his facial expression is. You didn't write it. In a film, that can go into melodrama. What did you think about that?

I think it's a dodgy thing. Who knows? But what I like about it is that Anthony wasn't afraid of that emotion. You can look at every movie made in the West, and love or passion is ironic, or embarrassed. It works, because the guy has been so contained all the way through. He's not a lovable hero. He's a difficult man. That's the payoff; when he does that, you believe it.

Watching this film, did you sometimes just feel like a kid in a candy store? Like "I can't believe that I imagined this, and then somebody went and showed it to me." It must be a tremendous feeling.

Yes. And to have five hundred guys building a road in a desert! All these people!

Oh yes, the "Saul Zaentz Imperial Highway." [The name -- after the film's producer -- bestowed upon a road the crew widened on location in Tunisia.]

Everybody who was there wanted to have a road named after themselves. Anthony wanted the Minghella Road, I wanted the Ondaatje Road. (laughs) The road that leads nowhere.

This is an element that has nothing to do with the film, it's only in the book. I had some questions about Kip's radical change after the A-Bomb was dropped, when he becomes enraged and breaks with everyone. It made sense intellectually, but it seemed a little deus ex machina-like to me.

Okay. That's interesting. If ever there was a deus ex machina of our generation it was The Bomb. So how do you evoke that in a book? I thought about this a lot, actually. I thought about it a lot since I wrote it, because a lot of people have real problems with that scene. Some people think it's the essential scene, some people can say it's not. I was trying to convey that a public act like this does fuck up people utterly. It is what happens to Almasy as well. So, in a way, it's a kind of parallel story about fate.

When I realized that that was where something was going to happen, when I went back and rewrote the book, I tried to somehow prepare the reader for it, with the arguments with his brother, the stuff in Naples, in a city that's been blown up, references to words like "nuclear," buried bombs, all those things, because I couldn't say, "We know this is going to come in August." It was a very odd thing. It was like preparing for Othello without anyone talking about him before he comes onstage. Usually you have 18 people talking about what a wonderful guy he was, and so it was a real problem how to do it. And I am not sure I did it right. I just think it is a thing where it suddenly happens like that [snaps fingers] and it is a complete deus ex machina. I don't know. Maybe I didn't prepare it enough, but when I wrote it, I couldn't prepare it any more than I did. Because, you couldn't tip your hand on that. I don't know how it can work, I don't know how to make it work better.

What other films made from books have you liked?

Hmm. Well, "The Leopard" [from the di Lampedusa novel]. I can tell you a book I love that was made into a terrible film. That was "Endless Love" by Scott Spencer. Everyone knows the movie because of this notoriously bad film that was made by Zefferelli. If you ever see it, pick it up. It's a great book.

Did you ever see the movie of "Death In Venice"?

I did. I don't think I got fully into it. Actually, there's a funny story. I was in Sri Lanka recently and somebody told me "Death in Venice" had played there. Very quickly it came and left, and everyone was so surprised. It turned out the distributors thought it was a western! (Laughs)

Tacky Souvenir（二）

（二）二房东


找到Aspen 204号房比我想象的还要容易。

Aspen是条很窄的路，过道刚好够停一辆车，弄堂格外的笔直，两旁的房屋一览无余的呈现在眼底，路的尽头压着低低的大朵云彩，被晚霞的余辉染成金黄和玫瑰色。我很惊讶以前为什么没发现这么个可爱的地方。

其实不用挨家挨户的看门牌也能找准204，它的存在是那么呼之欲出。我的目光停留在万木丛中的一点蓝，不可置信的走过去。这是一栋两层楼的别墅，外面上了清一色的蓝漆，包括楼梯和小小的木质走廊也被浇上了同样的颜色，和四周白色或陈黄的建筑形成了极端的对比，好似血一样浓烈的色泽。门前的一小方土也经精心设计打理，种满了色泽各异的蝴蝶花，还有一人高的壮硕太阳葵。花园的正中心是个木图腾，盘踞高处的一截雕刻着表情滑稽的鸟人，头顶着一个巨大蓝色圆盘，上面模糊有涂鸦的迹象。好奇心唆使下我跨过栅栏凑近了看，无非是到此一游之类的签名，不过字迹各异，还用各国的语言书写。难不成这屋子是保护级的旅游景点，可建筑设计怎么看都不属于旧式巴洛克或罗曼蒂克派。转身想跨出去的时候，脚底传来软绵绵的触感，低头看发现踩到了一个未发育成熟的小番茄，已被我的强劲奈克鞋碾碎了半边。好可怜，我把剩下的一半用指头拈起，犹豫该怎么处理。我一向惜玉怜香，最后还是把残骸用口香糖纸包起来揣在了肚兜里。

抬头的那一刻，我才发现有个人站在半掩的门边看着我。他身上背着书包似乎正要出门，也不知在那儿站了多久，脸上满是惊吓恐怖的表情，。我被这一时间的措手不及给怔住，虽没做什么亏心事，也只能用同样惊吓的表情眨巴看着那人。

“呃。。。”我不知从何说起。

“What are you doing here？”对方把大门推上，开始质问。

“Hi, err,I'm afraid there might be some misunderstanding. Are you the house keeper? I heard there's a room for rent so I'm here for a visit and just now...”

那人眉头微蹙，还没等我解释完却恍然大悟似的说“想起来了，你是今天来看房子的？”

接着就见他三两步的从楼梯上下来，伸出右手示意握手。刚才在惊愕中没仔细观察，近距离才发现他比我高出整一个多头，穿着短袖粗格子衬衫和膝盖长的休闲裤，衬衫领口处扣着一副茶色太阳眼镜，微笑的时候露出一排整齐的牙齿。看来这就是传说中的房东了。我恍惚伸出了右手。

“叫我韩飚。”他轻轻捏了一下我手指就算握了手，然后从裤袋里挖出块坏了表带的手表。

“不好意思我赶着上课现在要走。”

“啊？那。。。”

“其实我不管出租的事，看房子找二房东，他在里面，你上去敲门找吧，租房的事都他管。” 韩飚一股脑说明情况就急着要走。“Good Luck！”

我听得一头雾水，韩飚早已飚的不见踪影。那一句“Good Luck”怎么也无法释怀。

还有个所谓的二房东，事情开始变得复杂化。我攀着楼梯往上走，闻到绿茶的香味，原来窗台处点着薰香的蜡烛。我习惯性的重重扣门，来开门的是个小麦肤色的东南亚女孩子，满脸的不高兴。

“I'm looking for the house keeper.” 我暗想这栋楼不知都住了哪些人。

“What?”她明显不明白我说些什么，我重复了数遍，她仍是“What?What?What?”的回应。我哭笑不得，也许是谈话声惊动了一楼的房客，不多时有一个金发碧眼的女孩子从另一间房探出头来，看到我们两个急忙走过来招呼。

“Sorry, Saeng doesn't understand English. Can I help you?”

说明情况后，她仰着脖子满屋子大喊“Mick！Mick！” 二房东叫Mick？Micky mouse？我四处巡视着，等待二房东的突然出现。

喊到声嘶力竭了仍是没人回应，那位金发美女突然说“Fuck！”，然后噔噔噔的冲上二楼。这是我这一天听到的第三个F字眼，可从这位冰清玉洁的女子口中听到，当下愣了一下。

楼上传来“咚”的巨响，好像有人摔倒在地，还能隐约听到呜呜呜的假哭声。过一会儿美女下来了，笑着对我说“Just go up there. Mick's upstairs.”我将信将疑的谢了她，径直往上走。

楼梯是铁质的，单螺旋向上，总让我联想到基因模型。数了一下共39个台阶，不知什么时候起我就有诸多怪癖，数楼梯是其中之一。走到顶看一片宽敞的空间，打的发亮的蓝色地板毫不吝啬的舒展着，没有太多摆设，大多空间都被中间搁置的奇形沙发所占，像条巨大的蛇一般窝所在阴凉的洞穴中。角落头传来玻璃碰撞声，悦耳的叮当声响，就见一个男子绕过沙发，端着一杯清水朝我走来。

“要不要喝水？”他没等我回答就把玻璃杯递到我手里，冰冰凉的很舒服。

“韩飚下午跟我说过了，你是来看房子的吧。”

“嗯，你是二房东？”

“哈哈，韩飚说的？”他爽朗的笑了。“我叫林水，住在这里而已，我可不收房租。你叫什么名字？”

“曼榛。”

我盯着他漂亮的眼睛笑笑。

晃着杯子，看水荡漾开来的绚丽光泽和暗藏的小漩涡，和面前这人一样的感觉。

“你的房间就在我们卧室对面，我带你看看吧。”他招手让我跟着。

我们左拐右拐，盘曲的沙发果然妨碍通行，不知是谁买的。林水走路似乎很懒散，一步一滑毫无步调可言。我看着他脑后几搓柔软的头发飘啊飘，不一会儿他停在了走廊最里间的房门前，指了指说“这间。”

我想我一辈子都不会忘记推开那扇门时的惊讶，顶天立地的CD架被做成漂亮的下弦月，床是不规则的曲线形，晒干的西瓜皮灯散发青涩的香味，桌椅也无一对称，一切都违反常理。

我呆了一会儿，转向林水说，“我喜欢，我要搬。”

“不再看看吗？月租300。”他说。

“好，那就决定了。”我像是发现了世外桃源，由衷的喜欢上了这个不平凡的世界。

“决不决定先做了这个再说。”他不知从哪掏出一张纸一只笔递过来。

“现在签租约？”

“不，是通行测试。答错超过一半就不租给你。”

“啊？？？！”我看看林水，再看那张纸，上面有5道选择题。

“昨天有个人也来看过房，不过一题都没答对，后来就走了。”林水说。“我去外面沙发坐会儿，做完了就叫我，不要拖太久哦，榛曼。”

曼榛，真慢，曼榛。。。我反应过来时，林水早去沙发那头窝着了，一本杂志盖着脸，看不清表情。还真是人不可貌相，没想到他是这么突如其来的人。

我扫了一眼那几道题，心里咒骂，怎么就没人告诉我还有这么狗屁不通的怪事！韩飚说的Good Luck难到是为了这个？

***

1. jady, 2006-10-04 18:30:20 [回复]

那壶不开提哪壶...fav initial my %^#&...for the record my fav is J. JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!!!

2. z, 2006-10-04 12:51:09

in tribute to your fav initial.

3. jady, 2006-10-03 17:56:56

except MickyMouse Mick of course..hehe

4. z, 2006-10-03 12:23:32

204 in tribute to gang's sty
and all the other names (except lin shui) owe their birth to Jady

5. G, 2006-10-02 23:17:40

204 eh?^_^

Tacky Souvenir （一）

最后决定，重新写Tacky Souvenir。至于之前写的那一段，也许可以当以后的小插曲。那个“我”，是个女孩子。

Tacky Souvenir ：（一）搬家



我被逼搬出宿舍是在初夏，门前的霞草开得正旺，风一吹发出淅淅沥沥的温柔声音。

那天下午一时兴起，套了拖鞋就去街斜对面的花店买仙人掌，脑海里还在重放Leon的片断。那个杀手唯一的伴侣就是一盆绿叶子，不会说话，只需每天浇水晒太阳，它就这样默默的陪伴着他东奔西走，一刻不离。直到小女孩儿出现，给了它一片土，一个根。电影结束，我关了电脑，眼泪汪汪的开始思考，最后冲动的决定去买能伴随自己左右的植物。我以前只成功养过葱和仙人掌，唯一一盆生物兴趣组发的水仙球茎，因为阳光不足而疯狂发芽上窜，不肖一周便倒伏不起。所以到了花店，我直接问老板要了一盆中等大小的仙人掌，惊喜的发现上面还有紫色的花含苞欲放。我在无限幻想中抱着我生命的另一半走回宿舍。我的另一半长满了刺，并即将盛开鲜艳的花。

摸钥匙开门的时候，突然发现把手上方贴着白条子。来者不善。

“我们抱歉的通知你，你还未缴6月的房租，请速与租金办公室联系。 - 宿舍管理”

心里暗叫一声不好，看手表5点不到，楼下办公室也许还有人。我急急忙忙把仙人掌扔在门口就想下楼，右小指不小心被刺扎到，竟然还渗出芝麻粒大的殷殷一滴血。先前关于植物的一切浪漫幻想瞬间破灭，今天一定祸不单行了。

冲进办公室看到一金发肥男，手里抱着火红色的Fender吉他正胡乱弹奏。我左右环顾，确认只有他在，这才不情愿的走上前去。

“我没交6月的房租，收到通知了让我下来。”

“现在交多加100的罚金。”他眼睛直视我，面无表情的回答，手指在弦上练一秒二拍的爬格子。

“啊？？！那不成700了？”我心里迅速盘算本月的开销，存在银行的五千定期要到一周后才激活，身边只有几十的现金，穷得能拉警报。

肥男像吃了摇头丸一样，脑袋左摇右晃，眼睛仍直视我。

“现在没那么多钱，下周交可以吧？”

“下周罚金200。” 他开始一秒四拍的爬格子，才爬不到5个音就听到刺耳的摩擦，原来他的肥指头卡在弦里了。

“Fuck！Fuck！”他把手指拔出来，开始惨无人道的一阵狂扫吉他发泄。我再也看不下去，径直甩门出去了。

两百的罚金，还不如搬家一了百了！回到房间冷静下来，我意识到在这么短的时间里我无处可去。先给学姐打个电话问问吧，再不行只能先借钱了。200块能吃40 盒快餐，坐80趟校车，买100盆仙人掌！（看，区区两块就能买到人生的另一半）这么想的时候，电话接通了，一股脑说明情况后那头传来深沉的喘气声，接着便是排山倒海的咒骂。你怎么老给我添麻烦？！能不能不管你啊，你又不是我生的我怎么就成你老妈子了什么什么，都在一阵耳鸣中失去语言的意义。

沉默数秒钟后，我都当她要切电话了，那头突然说：“等一下，我问问boss，昨天他好像说儿子在找房客。”

“快去问，问问问问问！”我喜出望外。

“啧，”电话被搁在一旁的回音，脚步声远去。

等到花儿都快谢的时候，学姐终于回来了。

“你命真好，我都嫉妒了。昨天本来有个人都要住进去了，后来不知怎么又变卦不要了，现在空个房间，月租只要300。喂，拿笔记一下地址， 他儿子今晚在，你不如过去看看房子再说。”

“直接说啦，我过耳不忘。” 我拨弄着被仙人掌刺伤的指尖，试图消除有点难耐的麻痒。

“Aspen Avenue South, #204”

“啊？？那不就在隔了一条街的小路？”

“噢对，我都忘了你住Willow。你们那边的路全都是这个树那个树，搞笑。”

“活活活，不要太方便，走5分钟就到！”

“活你个死人头，烦死我了！搞不定也不要再找我！挂了。”学姐就是这样刀子嘴豆腐心，我知道要搞不定她一定又会担心。

“等！！他儿子叫什么啊？我难道就这样没头没脑的冲过去，不太好吧。”

“原来你也会考虑啊。”学姐冷言一句。我按下气不再辩驳，以前无数次相同话题的争吵都是败下阵来。

“不知道名字，以前见过，你只要看到帅哥就是他。浪费我那么多时间！挂了！”

“啊？？等。。。” 我还想寻根究底，那边传来了盲音。

低头看表上7点不到，初夏的天空还亮堂着，于是决定去亲眼鉴定一下房东，把搬家的前因后果忘了个干净，还有那盆两块钱买来的仙人掌，此时在初夏夜的微风中一动不动的乘凉。